Months later and I've decided to post another journal.
Surprise, surprise: It's not because I actually have anything to saY. I could inform a computer of my daily routines and such, but there really aren't many. I work a lot lately, makin' lotsa da moneys and have been writing quite a bit.
I've recently discovered a new reader and so she gets to listen to me ramble on about it like a lunatic, and apparently was interested enough to want to read it.. Of course, I am referring to my secret story on my secret account on the secret website that no one really knows about except for me and her and.. Well, I guess a couple of those Vampirefreaks individuals I recently discovered on this site.. Not important!
The secret story still remains secret in my mind.
I hit the 200 page mark on it. How exciting, right?
Now I'm fighting a bit with the wording.. I'm one of those people who quite enjoys writing with a sense of difference among the words, because I like to keep people on their toes. I don't want you to look through my story, I want you to read into it.. But characterization is also very important. If I were to switch perspectives, as it is in first person narrative, you would know the switch by their personality before there was any reference to the switch in dialog or otherwise.
Again, names changed. Gotta keep up with it's secret-ivity, yah?
First, so you understand when the reference is made later:
At least there wasn't a fight to break up.. A situation I wouldn't doubt happening at one point. Gary didn't really seem to brush people the right way and I don't think I've ever seen John take any crap from anyone..
Come to think of it.. I don't think I've ever seen anyone give anything for John to fight about, except that one moment with Gary. I haven't noticed any comments or glares and no one in my family was anything but outwardly kind to him. John was kind of.. Too intimidating for anyone to push. His presence holds a certain amount of venom, which I say in the most loving way possible. It's venom because it bites down people's walls with a kind of sting that takes the fight out of you.. But it keeps you coming back.
I like that.. John's my venom.. I'd have to tell him that one later.
Then a verbal brawl ensues with another character, ruining the speakers day and causing sadness and a less grounded feeling with 'John'.. But they speak about it sometime later and reconcile some of the issues:
I sat up, shifting my body backwards so I was more leaning against my bedpost and more eye-level to John. His hand slipped from my hair down to my neck and rested at my collar bone. He looked at me, still smiling, although his smile was even more beautiful when we were directly across from each other.
He trusts me, in ways that I probably don't mirror. He feels for me, in ways I feel for him. He sees me in ways that I might not see myself yet.
"I love you."
That voice was mine.. And I meant what I said. I still hadn't addressed one of the issues in my mind about John.. The fact that I still had a reason not to completely trust him in a weird way, but it didn't matter. Whether or not John was intentionally hiding the place he lived didn't change this feeling that was coating my entire body. The words had been on my lips for days and my tongue had just refused to speak it.. Until this moment.
When I had been considering that I had just ruined all the best things in my life in one day, it became more clear to me. Everything was changing, every day was different.. I refused to let my days be even a little more hollow because I was afraid of what might come with those three words.
It could be over tomorrow. Everything could be over tomorrow. Would I be content dying with those words still hovering just below my voice box? Absolutely not.
Eyes locked in a stare with each other, I swear I saw a piece of a tear behind John's hazel orb. I moved closer to him than before so we were in a position where our eyes couldn't really see each other anymore. Blurred because of the proximity, I still knew he was looking at me, just like he knew I was looking at him.. Looking with him.
Our noses brushed against each other in a way that they were side-by-side. The sweetest of lipless kisses.
I felt him.
When my eyes fluttered shut for a moment, I could still feel him. This venom that was soaked into me, running through my veins and perspiring from my pores was looking a lot more like medication.. I felt alive, I felt free, I felt real, I felt John.
"I love [I]you[/I]" He told me.
There was the mutual movement of our lips connecting. I could taste each syllable of John's three word speech with his kiss, and I never wanted to let go. Never wanted to let go.. My hand caressed his cheek as my way of holding onto him.
There wasn't really any surprise or doubt in my mind that he loved me. I think if we were to speak about it, we would definitely both agree that the feeling was there a lot longer than we may've indicated with speech. When John's cold hand first gripped mine in the comic shop and those shivers ran through me, I knew that there would be something there.. Now, that isn't to say I knew that John and I would be in bed together confessing our love to each other a month later.. I'm not psychic or something..
What I mean to say is the static in the air now, has been there since I first met John Creedo.
Whatcha think? Too corny? Cause I fucking hate 'too corny'. I want it to be precious, kind of beautiful, pretty real..
Much considering is to be done on my end.
For the record, I used every letter in the English alphabet in this journal at least twice.
Listening to: Hang 'Em High by My Chemical Romance
Reading: and Rereading
Playing: with my Lip Studs
Drinking: Dr. Pepper